Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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