I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
where are you?
Hypothermia
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
