On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
