can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
