If i come over, it means nothing
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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