I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
