I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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