fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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