so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
