on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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