whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
