I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
