Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
