just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
