Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
