how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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