your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
