I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
