Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We talked him into tasing himself.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
