"it" just moved
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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