Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
