A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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