I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize