We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
