I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I want to fling myself into the sun
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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