i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
