i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
They have beer where we have blood.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
