I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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