On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
