I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
