You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ladies don't puke and tell
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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