Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
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You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize