how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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