So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
