your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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