i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
When are your genitals available?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
