hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
