i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think i peed on brittanys purse
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
