Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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