is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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