is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Vodka?
Forever.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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