I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
