my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
