I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Congratulations! We have a period
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
