After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
