my mouth tastes like poor choices
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
