Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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