I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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