Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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