Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
