Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
they need to just BURY HIM!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
