I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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