He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
