dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
