my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
