Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
