Quick, to the slutcave!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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