At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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