im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
he high fived his dick after we had sex
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize