no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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