Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
