my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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