every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Found the puke drawer
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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