does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He kissed a someone with a penis
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
