drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
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I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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