yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
