lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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