3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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