Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
accomplished twins. life is a go
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
