don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
