Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Randomize
