I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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