I heard we made out
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
