Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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