i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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