Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
