I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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