Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
