Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
