also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
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My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
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I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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