I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
