okay pat passed out under dana's car
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
worst night to have a conscience
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
