What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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