She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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