My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize