ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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